The Kaiser’s Wife
/well, he’s got it up…
..,The next item on my agenda is a short piece, unfinished, which would fall under the category of ‘Proto-Mystery Shopper Tales.’ This is the only fragment still extant from the adventure so related, and, in fact, does predate my current biographer and general teller of tales, Stanley.
This bit, actually, was composed by my former business partner in an old import/export concern we operated decades ago by the name of Shurt Blessing (someone, I’m sure, I’ve mentioned somewhere before now, hmm).
If you take a look at the title list for not only stories, but poems through that link, you will likely recognize any number of titles I have mentioned, or parts of works, over the years. Reason being, they’re my stories! HaHa-
Yes, those were tales I’d formulated, some from imagination, surely, but others from Honest-to-God experiences, and regaled my partner with many a day and night at our old warehouse as we processed & catalogued shipments of spiced netting, bamboo snorkels or tiki doll umbrellas.
And he’d always had a good ear for a ripe story. Took that with him after we’d amicably sold our business and went our separate ways; me, ultimately into the ranks of the ‘Guardians of Commerce’, the Mystery Shoppers… and he, onto the open roads of the world as an itinerant minstrel and vagabond global citizen.
In any event, I had reason to receive a much appreciated post card from him recently, and we’ve re-opened lines of communication which prompted me to post the re-visitation of this old caper (at least, in part) once he informed me he’d get up the part he still had.
[[[Update: one of the features of this story, as it had changed a good deal over time, was that it would be an historical adventure featuring the now-defunct ‘Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth’…I’ve recent news that some materials I had not wanted made public were going to be done so in a manner that did not have my sanction (but not by Shurt–by another). I’ve gotten that project temporarily blocked– but some other material about that Olde political entity, while not sanctioned, was to be included in that unauthorized project as well. In keeping with this thread, I’m reminded of it now because of events taking place in our world and recognize how much the way things go around, come around:
Protests Erupt In As ‘Fortress Europe’ Rises To Replace Open Borders
The Affair of the Awful Audition
Just a heads up… my apprentice has fanfic published a dose of my childhood remembrances as they involve something of an encounter with the lead investigator of the team later known as The Three Investigators (or, Die Drei ? ? ?, as they are referred to in Germany). We were mere tots, then, you know—and young thespians hungry for a break….but, well have a look-see:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8081125/1/The_Affair_of_the_Awful_Audition
Troll Be Gone
A Good sturdy name for a much needed product to accomplish a task –nay– a job which requires a patient, sturdy hand. That, of disposing of annoying and obnoxious trolls of the variety that hide under bridges on message boards and comments sections scattered across the interscape.
You’ve encountered these creatures before, though they come in many sub-species groups, adopting numerous disguises (something I can spot a mile away) along the way in an effort to better conceal their actions to further their agenda of wreaking havoc by derailing perfectly good discussion threads through the use of Off Topic sleight of hand, employment of red herrings, or simple childish name calling and vulgar profanity. I tell you, when I’ve had enough, then enough is enough!
What follows is a piece of educational material I would like to submit as a well-reasoned and thorough approach tutorial of how best to confront and ultimately beat a troll. This troll eradication episode took place in the discussion forums on the Hulu site over the course of more than a year. Yes, some trolls are very persistent and, as I stated, patience is just as important as sturdiness in this grueling and oft thankless task. Yet, satisfying as well!
( Note: the protagonist in the following is Yours Truly, JqLopp. The antagonist is one Brian Mardiney. There are a few other bit actors who chime in here and there, though their lines, as with any supporting cast, merely serve to foster and setup the main players 😉
39026About 20 hours agoLame ‘Sexy’ Moment
But that is beside the point. Yes, that is my reaction to kissy-face talky-talk, as well as a shortness of breath and palpitations (and not in a pleasant way, I can assure you).
As I’ve said, you have no idea of my reaction to such a practice. Why you have decided to make such an issue of this, I cannot fathom…
Even Shakespeare compared someone to a summer’s day… doesn’t mean he didn’t know what the heck a “day” was! jeez.Arvind Gautam posted on Feb 6 2011, 10:32:26 PM [ Reply ]
The word “vertigo” comes from the Latin “vertere”, to turn + the suffix “-igo”, a condition = a condition of turning about). Vertigo is medically distinct from dizziness, lightheadedness, and unsteadiness. See: Dizziness, Lightheadedness, and Unsteadiness. So you see, it does NOT necessarily have anything to do w/ heights, rather more to do with a certain feeling. And talking thru kisses still gives me vertigo…
Stalking.
Definition: see – Mardiney, Brian Seriously, the moment that I feel obligated to answer to you in any way, shape or form is the moment that I WILL stop posting here. And since I’m not through posting here, I won’t be driven by your own personal stimuli. If your entire purpose here is to discover who is the most rational poster on hulu …. then good luck with that. Because, with every post you make you change your rationale. It really is becoming confusing trying to keep up with it.
The bottom line is you were proven wrong in your initial post questioning my knowledge of the word ‘vertigo’, and now you cannot let it go. You’ve played your little professor game for over a year now and it really has run its course. Though, I suspect, your next post will be further obfuscation of the original post by myself and your wrong-headed initial response.
Congrats anyway, you’ve managed to take this little thread so far OFF Topic there really is no way to get it back ON Target.Your reply will appear at the end of this topic.
- of
- 4
1a) A rather thinly concealed disbelief that said poster does in fact have this condition, though you would have no way of knowing (this really could have been its own full-blown bullet but was so closely related to #1 that i’ve taken the liberty of connecting them).
2) Once proven to be wrong, you then change the subject (in this case, some sort of search on your part for the most logical poster here) of the thread entirely (I call this the dog chasing its own tail effect), and lead others on quite the merry chase trying to either save face or simply to cover your tracks. Or both (most likely, imo).
3) You then engage in a form of conduct (in this case evasiveness), which you then turn right around and accuse others of engaging in (this likely could have been labeled 2a, but I judged it to be distinct enough to merit its own unique #).
4) After having instigated this kerfuffle, you then seek to put the OP on the spot by playing the smug little Prof. and posing a number of annoying questions to said poster in the, seeming & remarkable, belief that somehow this poster owes you anything whatsoever (which, of course, he does not ;). It is my fondest hope that you will endeavor to address these points, each either individually or taken as a whole, and will in time see yourself clear of that which seems to be dragging you down. Sincerely Yours,
A Concerned Citizen P.S. hint-hint, seek help. Really.
Your so called question is nothing more than a red herring, thrown out by your own spinning little self to try to evade your own PWNAGE. I know it as well as you do.
To further illustrate my point, I will now use this little gem you ‘deposited’ in an earlier post: “or your reasons are not all that valid.” I do so like your use of the word ‘valid’, because the only thing here that lacks validation ….. is you. Again, I know it as well as you, Brian. You know, I just thought up a little exercise for you. Why don’t you troll around the comments boards here at hulu, make sure to roam far and wide and conduct a survey of why people actually post comments. Now, at the end of this exercise (assuming your acct. has not been banned for making of yourself the greatest nuisance this site has ever seen), pray return here and give me the results of your surv— No, on second thought, scratch that. Why not just admit now that you’ve been totally & completely PWNED by Your’s Truly and vacate the field of battle w/ your head hung in shame??Your reply will appear at the end of this topic.So…no you can’t/won’t answer? Thought as much.Brian Mardiney posted on Feb 26 2011, 4:43:39 PM [ Reply ]Your reply will appear at the end of this topic.It has been clear for some time (like from the very beginning of this thread) that you bring very little if anything to the table. Your menu seems to consist entirely of mis-defined appetizers, stale spin & red herring stew.
There is, quite simply, nothing to answer, Brian, because your so-called ‘question’ lacks any validity. I’m actually beginning to wonder if you even read any of my posts.
To wit, I’ve grown weary of this one-sided repartee and will likely absent myself from any future replies unless you have finally decided to bring some king of ‘game’ to this thread.
You really backed yourself into a corner here, Brian, from the very get-go and were simply never able to extricate yourself from it. Hopefully you can learn from your deficient performance here and carry those lessons w/ you into other future endeavors and can at least hope for better results.
In closing, best of luck to you, and Thanks For Playing!Your reply will appear at the end of this topic.
1 reply to Brian Mardiney
1 reply to Jq Lopp
Micro Memoirs
Now that it is the New Year, let’s get a head start on V.D., shall we?
At certain times and under particular conditions it is helpful, if not incumbent upon ourselves, to take such exercises as are necessary for the release of stress and to act as a laxative for the mind and consciousness, purging away those emotional indigestibles so contrary to peace of mind … not to mention bodily function.
In light of this, I thought it might be fun to take a look at one such ‘session’ I undertook in the guise of an alter-ego of some history and nostalgia in my own frame of reference.
Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you, Billy Ray Lester:
“In his younger days he had adopted the personae of such characters as Billy Ray Lester, complete in a wife beater, tight jeans, and cowboy boots … He stretched, flexing his bare arms in a sleeveless t-shirt which had a 7-Up slogan on the front: ‘Never Had It, Never will,’ he was particularly fit back then, “You wanna get outta here? Kinda slow tonight.”
“You a perv or something?” I edged away.
“No, I’m Billy Ray.” He stuck out his hand, “Billy Ray Lester.”””
That outtake was courtesy of my apprentice’s ‘maiden tale’ about me entitled ‘The Mystery Shopper’. Well, that is how he recalls our initial contact, though I daresay he was pretty much right on the money (I’m a tad embarrassed to admit).
Now then, these micro memoirs (also known as Six-Word Memoirs), deal with subject matter in the category of relationships, and in particular under the sub-heading of ‘pain’, or if you prefer more specifically: breakups. 
Not to belabour, so I will give you one of mine that you may experience some of the anguish I was trying to work through at a critical point in my life:
“Remember me from the carpet burns…”
‘What was the cause?’ You may be moved to query. Well, I’ll leave it again to my trusty apprentice to spell it out:
“A woman strolled over, hair piled high above plucked eyebrows, heavy mascara, and ruby red lipstick. She was nearer Joe’s age than my own, if appearances didn’t deceive. Dressed in a black leather miniskirt, low cut blouse exposing abundant cleavage, stiletto heels, she appeared to me a streetwalker. Joe was painfully unprepared for this. But it was too late for an evasive course of action.”
And that is pretty much how it went down. And he was correct, it was over before it started, only I didn’t know it. In such circumstances, the only course of action left after the wheels come completely off your little red wagon (and with hot to trot operatives like the one just described, they most assuredly will), is to get yourself on the road to recovery ASAP!
A Christmas Tale of the Mystery Shopper
Stanley, under his long used nom de plume M.F., has uploaded for your immediate perusal a holiday special: A Christmas Tale of the Mystery Shopper.
He tells me he has used one of my seasonal favorite tales I let loose with every Christmas Eve, though is withholding which one. It is for me to dig into and find out, he says. And I shall! (Loves a secret almost as much as me, Heh.) Have it downloaded to my reader right now … I hope it’s the one where an injured Rudolph’s replacement for one season’s delivery schedule is none other than the be-knighted caribou, Ramtoule…
Of possible further interest: here are a couple of links to the two nemeses in this tale who have a habit of mixing it up at every get-together. I’ll need to find a new way to keep them separated, at some point. One that actually works! Anywho, you can view them in their natural habitats pursuing their hobbies/passions::
Uncle Mortimer Burnside Lopp(the original paleo, believe me, I’ve p/u some years myself, but not like uncle Mort(heh ;p)): http://paleo1969.newsvine.com/
Mounce Tibbly III: http://smooch16.deviantart.com/
A Wicked Who’s Who
Doubtless you’ve seen these before:
Reminds me of a certain poetry scam I’ve mentioned in a post before which nearly ensnared my doorman, Teffer. That particular party I take to be now defunct, and justly so, though these ‘Who’sWho’ outfits are a Who’s Who of Calumny.
But, as the showman and eminent peddler of the absurd to the unwary, P.T. Barnum, once noted, “There’s a sucker born every minute‘. And so it is with those suckered into shenanigans such as this. Vanity Press one and all!
I’ll freely admit I’ve doggedly pursued inclusion into the authentic Who’s Who … with unsuccessful results, to date. That aside, it occurred to me that what would make a splendid Who’s Who entry for one of these devious rackets would be to mire them down with a personage more suitable to their chicanery & temper.
In light of this revelation on my part, I selected an individual of dubious reputation from a charming little collection of biographies, of the series entitled: ‘A Wicked History’.
Without further ado, ladies and gentlemen, I give you Leopold II, late King of the Belgians & ‘Emperor’ of the Belgian Congo (wherein most of his troubles were mired, as it were). Herein was the root of Conrad’s famous story, Heart of Darkness, from which the equally famous film Apocalypse Now spawned from.
And, should there be any question of his bona fides, re: his inclusion in my Wicked Who’s Who, here is a piece from the time period penned by none other than Mark Twain venting his approbation of the ghastly monarch. And when Mr. Clemens stuck a fork in you, you were well and truly roasted.
So then, on to the particulars & how good ol’ Leopold’s entry might read if included in Who’s Who:
Leopold II, Leopold Louis Philippe Marie Victor, (“odd”, “funny”, “birdlike”), King of the Belgians (“I am King of a small country and small-minded people,” he complained.): December 17, 1865, b. 1835 of Leopold I and Queen Louise-Marie of Orleans, m. August 1853, Archduchess Marie-Henriette of Austria-Hungary (a marriage between “a stable-boy and a nun”, he was the nun), two s. two d., also m. Delacroix, Blanche Zelia Josephine (a prostitute) December 14, 1909, Attempted to gain a colony from China, Dutch Borneo, Portugal in Timor, Mozambique, and Angola, Spain and the Philippines, New Guinea, French Indochina, and two islands off the coast of Turkey (all deals fell through), International African Association formed in 1876: Chairman (purported aim to end slavery, real aim to obtain the King a colony), 1878 set up International Association of the Congo (hired Stanley to set up a base and secure him “a slice of this magnificent African cake.”), May 1885, Leopold II became ruler of the Congo (“Congo Free State” nothing could be further from the truth), 1890 tribal leaders are co-opted & ivory is acquired by force (“The Congo Free State is certainly not a business,” he claimed, while also declaring, “Time is money”), 1891 Congo Free State claimed all natural resources, 1900 the Force Publique had put down numerous rebellions (brutally), 1895 reports of abuses come out publicly (‘he said he was shocked’…Shocked!), 1896, formed a Commission for the protection of the Natives (LOL), 1901 Morel, set up West African Mail, seeks to “expose and destroy” Leopold’s regime in Congo (Leopold tries to bribe him), 1903 English parliament investigates, 1904 British Consul Casement issues report (“The country a desert, no natives left.” Morel, “the most gigantic fraud and wickedness which our generation has known.”), 1904 Congo Reform Association (goal: end Leopold’s rule), Nov. 1905 Commission of Inquiry report confirms abuses, Dec. 1906, Leopold II agrees to hand over the Congo to the Belgian Government (“The Belgian people are tired of me,”), 1907 the King rode around on a huge tricycle (increasingly eccentric), Dec. 1909 Leopold II becomes sick & dies, 1919 Belgian government report: there were 10 million less people in the Congo than when Leopold II assumed control (Brit. diplomat, King was always trying to “squeeze money out of the people.”)
I’ve met many a scoundrel in my time & in my line of work in the mystery shopper industry, misers and Grinch-hearts to put Uncle Scrooge to shame—but this guy takes the cake, and all else to boot! Happy Holidays, All…..
Q Scores. Who needs ’em?
Who’s got ’em? And most importantly, what do they mean for you?
Since their introduction in the early sixties, the Q’s (as they are known in the trade), have been instrumental in assigning value to brands, etc…(see link for full-on details).
Now, Q’s are not for everyone … sadly for them. Due to the ever increasing importance on account of proliferation of advertising (and I’ve seen this grow from the inside-out for decades), it is imperative to know where your brand, etc. stands on the totem pole of the world of perceptions.
Now, to those I’ve just referenced as it being ‘not for everyone’ (agents, marketing), there is a simple industry name for them = Agent Spaz. So, in light of this.. don’t be a Spaz!
Well then, here I’ll post a sample Q report I’ve filled out just for the purposes of this exercise:
Now, if you look at the rating system, you’ll instantly notice I’ve made some modifications to their rather straight shot scale. I’ve always been of the mind that more variety not only brings more options, but (and this is most important) additionally, that is a good thing.
So, these additions I’ve devised through many years of trial and error, are as follow — and you can compare to the sample form to see how they have been applied:
<, > – a nose on a straight line, 1, 4, ex. indicates the company should turn the category one way or other – depending on direction.
🙂 – this is on an angle, but a right side up smiling face with both open eyes = good, a bit above what is allowed.
😉 – same, right side up winking smiley = c’mon, good but can do better.
😦 – same again, right side up both eyes open frowny face = unsavory business practices (of one type or another, usually specified in full report form, attached).
😦 – red frown, right side up, with both eyes wide and 2 horns above eyes = going out of business soon.
Red Star – single = hot merchandise or sales folk (further stars indicate same, but in multiplication, obviously).
Blue Star – lukewarm, heat it up!
Blue moon – crescent = soothing experience with product.
– right side up = WTF?
? – self explanatory.
Red Check – like #10 but w/ Oomph!
Red Pitchfork – abysmal.
Blue Halo – heavenly.
Gold Lightning Bolt – out of this world.
Incidentally folks, the very highest rating achievable under my enhanced system of ‘weights & measures’ is … yep, I’ll bet you’ve guessed it = the Q*bert. This is for those special, flawless experiences when such a brand/experience has no peer. 
Ye Olde Mystery Shoppe
That was the name, in days of yore, when I had my full team around my person (and even though a ‘motley crew’, they were the tops), we were able to accomplish so much more. Some frivolous and rather pointless in a cul-de-sac manner, yet at the time quite fun and indeed different to scurry about these new paths — much as I would take this jaunt, now, down another lane of memory with you.
Some of these names will be new to you .. or perhaps not, you may have caught a gander of them listed here or there, but what they came up with was this (and keep in mind, please, these are only some fragments I happened across stored in nearly lost html files):
Heh: Queueworld – well that brings back the memories. For the record, Toole was my page (he may have served as clerk, but I think those were duties Stan ultimately took over), and WOW! Bethanny & Snarfles are flashes from the past, for sure…
I believe it was Messt, Toole’s comrade, who liked to use these ‘endorsements.’ Interesting ploy, never felt it particularly necessary myself. But to each their own wants…
Oh Dear, Gemini and its founders *sigh*, and here we were endorsing them .. even. I’ve a sample of their work above my desk even as I type this. Unfortunate what happened there…
And the Proclamation is set forth! Ha-ha, I’ve not a clue as to what we were proclaiming back then, support of something or other, but as I’ve said these files are fragmentary. At any rate, this was just a bit of a peek behind the curtains of my operations of Olde. Hope you enjoyed..
The Arms of Lopp
See what other Lopps are saying!
‘Fringe’ Event: I’ve said it before and will do so again … We Are Legion!
Well, maybe not quite so many but Stanley caught the gist of it when he wrote:
“Joe bald, but his mother somewhat less so. And, this is the truly odd thing about them, they both resemble the late thespian Sydney Greenstreet (a.k.a. Kasper ‘The Fat Man’ Gutman), of Maltese Falcon fame, to a startling degree.”
And what do I find while watching an episode of the TV show Fringe? Why only THIS:
“Peter: Apparently Mr. Gordon thought he was the actor Sydney Greenstreet, and went around quoting Casablanca. That’s funny.
Olivia: What?
Peter: He looks a lot more like Peter Lorre. That’s a joke.”
Ha-Ha, good ol’ Lorre. At any rate, it is still an acquired taste, to be sure, nonetheless Check It Out for yourselves…
Cartoon Caption Contest … Fie!
Here is the cartoon, with my caption entry:
Now, honest question: would you prefer my entry to go along with the above cartoon, or these?
And this winner IS (for those not clicking, it is the first one). IDK, I just thought my entry was topical to today’s currents, witty (perhaps presumptuous on my part), and actually more germane to the visuals of the ‘toon pic. The other 3 dogs? Well, somewhat less so. Oh, granted, the winner isn’t entirely dregs, only somewhat.
I suppose now I can join Stanley in the miasma of self-pity that is dejection due to rejection … a big, hearty thumbs down, way down to the judging panel, interns all…!
Re-Watching: 
